Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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