Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you traded sex for a burrito?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
