So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
