youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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