so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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