My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
