No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she pinky promised me she was 18
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
