I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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