So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think your dad took our porno
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
