I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
