Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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