No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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