How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Mom said you looked used
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
