I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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