what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
