Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
