You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
