Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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