I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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