then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
