I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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