and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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