Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize