I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
