Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
