Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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