I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
