I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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