Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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