haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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