thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
