apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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