Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize