Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
