TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Less talking, more tequila
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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