Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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