I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
