he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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