You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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