The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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