Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
