Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
