Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
