guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
