I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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