i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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