That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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