this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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