Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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