I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Pants are for mortals
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
