I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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