perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Shame - the story of my life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
