nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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