she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
please come you make the beer taste better
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
