On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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