put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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