I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
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Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
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They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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