I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
