Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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