There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
