I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize