Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
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I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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