I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
