dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i think i just lost a toe
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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