I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
