Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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