i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's always time for handjobs
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
