Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
