i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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