I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
