I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
